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My mom is very protective. She has never liked any of the girls I’ve dated. She says they’re all gold-digging whores. That doesn’t even make any sense! I’m broke! But Mom doesn’t care what I say to defend them. She doesn’t think anyone could ever be good enough for me. It’s really annoying. Sometimes it makes me wonder, does my Mom have a crush on me? No way. That’s crazy. But would I totally fuck my Mom if she was into it? Fuck yeah! Oh, wait. I didn’t tell you she’s my STEP-mom. See? Now it’s hot.

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